After a loss 2 years ago, and two years of nothing, even with a few failed rounds of clomid…it looks like me and the hubby are pregnant again! Saying it out loud scares me, to actually claim it as the truth. I’m actually less scared than I thought I would be, but every time I feel a little crampy I get seriously afraid. On the other hand, I am ecstatic, in a daze. I can’t praise God enough for answered prayers…but steadily doubt creeps his ugly head in every now and again.
We found out about the pregnancy on my husband’s birthday. (June 1st) It had been a while since my last period, but for me that is sometimes totally normal. After our last failed round of clomid, we decided to take a break. So for the last few months I haven’t been tracking my cycles or anything. I had a leftover pregnancy test, and I figured- why not? So, I took it. And nothing showed up. I took a bath and as I got up to dry off, there it was, a tiny, faint pink line. I was overjoyed, afraid, and skeptical. Those of us who suffer from infertility know the feeling, I kept thinking maybe it was an evap line from sitting for too long…or my imagination.
Needless to say, I made the hubby pick up another test. And it was still a positive. I waited until the following Monday, and went to the Dr. for a beta. The next day they called and said it was a confirmed early pregnancy, somewhere between 4-6 weeks. They’re not exactly sure because I can’t remember when my last menstrual cycle was, that makes me feel like a terrible infertile, but we were on a much needed break. It’s kind of funny how it happened AFTER a few FAILED rounds of clomid…(those relax and just let it happen people can still bite me! lol)
So as for now, we have only told our parents and siblings. It makes me sad to be skeptical, but I am still afraid. So those of you that know me, or any of my family in REAL life, please keep this secret along with me just for awhile. Blogging is just such a nice way to let out my feelings, and I have been debating whether or not to write anything about it at all, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
As for now, we wait. I go in for a “viability ultrasound” on Monday the 20th. I hate that name. It scares me. Viability. Like they’re saying there’s a chance something could be wrong. I know that’s not the case, but that’s just how I’m feeling at the moment. I would love if everyone that does so could keep me and my hubby, and especially our baby, in your prayers. We need them. And we would really appreciate them. I will try to keep my blog updated.